Living in your small world

I've seen so many people who is living in their own small world, full of lies full of loves full of greed .... i tried to talk to them to show them there is a door and they can go out of this world and see so many other worlds, but they didn't want to  maybe they afraid of  facing new world with new facts with new rules, these kind of people dont know what they want in their life, they prefer little small world instead of real world.
I was thinking sometimes i want to be in my own world but i cant stay forever i should see i should feel new worlds with new thoughts.
Sometimes lies are more and more sweeter than truth, so we can live with lies happily or we can live with truth sadly, what is your choose? i think this is sort of dehumanization and sort of self deconstruction  behavior to live with lies, even they if they know this is lie , but they are not brave enough to admit it so they prefer to blame someone else or just tell another lie to themselves.but one day they will face the truth and then there is no sweet taste left and its gonna get bitter and bitter until they feel that they should change somehow.

Broken Skull

It take approximately 500 lbs to crush a human skull. But the human emotion is a much more delicate thing.Take Solveig , my first "real" love.I never thought it was going to be similar to a car crash. I've slammed the breaks, and I'm skidding toward an emotional impact. So, are they all my fault?
New year 2011,  i miss her so much. no one can understand how i felt in new year, im so sorry about myself and about her.I promise to myself that i will spent at least 1 new year eve with her. i deserve it.
I love her, so probably,im gonna make our dreams true, and then if one day  she will be alone, i can invite her to our dreams, or im gonna invite another person to my own dream, but i wish she will be there.  i think if she reads my scripts, probably she is gonna laugh at me, or tease me. But there is a thing that no one can tease it, its true love, i think this is true love, i wish we can be together in future, but its just a wish not hope. but im sure about myself, if i really want something, i will get it for sure,it has happened in whole my life.
I wrote my best songs in Poland for her, and now im making movie, short movie, i wrote scripts to director and she loves them, its a short movie. also i asked for concert in Sweden in University, so im gonna be busy.i will get my guitar, after a week.anyway i have opportunity to apply for Phd, but i cant decide yet, but i will do it in Sweden, im not sure what should i do.
i have so many problems nowadays and sometimes they make me crazy, i have insomnia, i have nightmares, and i cant focus on my study, but im trying my best. im strong enough to deal with these kind of problems.
There are lot of girls here they want to hang out with me, i try to hang out with them but without feelings, im like a robot now. its funny . im gonna make our dream home and our dreamed future......and wait for someone to join me, i hope she will.......

Feelings will die

Its about 3 months i broke up with her, she is with my friend about 2 month. i had really hard time in Poland, but my story was really sad, i know it makes me stronger but i should endure this pain to get stronger. We only see what we want to see, she doesnt want to see my feelings and her feelings and she killed her feelings about me.it was strange for me how she can stop loving in 2 days or maybe she was lieng to me all the time to me, this is more painful, but i dont think so, because i felt she loved me.There is one thing that i cant put blame on them,and they are feelings, it can change,even its really hard to me, but it can change, there is a word that love cant go on without seeing eachother, maybe thats why, i wasnt there, and sort of confusing relationship and then feel nothing and being vulnerable, they are good reasons to forger about feelings and start new feelings, for me its impossible to start new relationship after all argues and after these kind of feelings, but for her its ok, she can forget someone in one day, maybe its insane for me, but its a truth. i mean i should respect for her, i feel jealous about that guy, i tried 3 months to be with her, and my friend used my absent and he hang out everyday with her and finally both decided to be together, also before sometimes she joked about him, and it make me really jealous, i hate this fucking feelings.in this relationship i had my first real sex, and maybe i had my first real strong feelings about future and life time relation, and so many other things, nowadays i have problems, i slept with 4-5 girls but i didnt have erection, its too bad, actually i missed my dick, when i was with her, just little touch from her was enough to me to turn me on. people changes day by day, who knows what will happen tomorrow, maybe this break up was necessary to us, maybe not. Maybe two  of the reasons that she likes him so much are he can speak Swedish and he has job. i know money fucked our relationship i know this. but i wished that i never went through money issue with her. I love her, and no one can love her more than me, but i will forget this love, but just forget i can remember it in future, who knows maybe this was a way that we can be together in future, maybe not. she is happy. i dont want to hear from her that she in love or she is happy. but after her acts i think she doesnt deserve me, she has a heart of stone.she is cruel, and sometimes not rational. She doesnt want to hear and hear.it means she likes this guy so much. i should live my normal life, and what will happen in future, i shouldnt think about it, she thinks that im an asshole, she thinks that i humiliate her. maybe i did but she did so many worse things than i did. she was wrong and now i can tell she is wrong.imagine we are sitting in restaurant and i see a fire in the corner, im gonna try to tell her there is a fire lets go out,but if she cant hear me, im gonna tell her louder and louder, and finally maybe shout and maybe i will force her, but she answered me shut up, and she wanted to feel fire. so thats her choice her choice and now she is happy.for first time in my life i felt how hate is. yea i havent hated from someone in my life but now i hate 2 of my friends. i hate them they are liers.but in this story im bad guy and they are good. i fought with 3 person, but i did wrong i shouldnt fight, i should just leave them, i did wrong, i should just respect to my ex's decision, but my situation was really bad so i did wrong but im not regret it.i tried so much to have nice relation even she realized this and she changed her mind.but unfortunately it was in bad time.nowadays im painting, im writing, making songs , even i got offer from Volvo, so probably im gonna work in Volvo next semester, im really happy about summer, i have 3 offer for summer job so i can choose.anyway, i feel like i dont her anymore but still i have strong feelings,she told never look at life in black and white.so i wont maybe someday in some point she can love me again.its just maybe but i dont care anymore.its over.